What you should be reading this Christmas…

I feel like I should be starting this post with a holiday related pun. Luckily, my research into the nauseating world of Christmas-themed romance novels has exposed me a crapton of wintry wit. That’s right, there are romance novels about Christmas! Because what haven’t romance novels ruined yet…

And when the weather outside is frightful, I can warm myself up with a bottle (or ten) of mulled wine and these hawt holiday tales. Because ZOMG I hope I get a Texas rancher this year! With feelings! And a troubled past! And I’m the strong-willed, fiery harlot who can fix him!

Anyways, I’ve compiled a small list of  books Santa should be stuffing your stocking (hee) with this year.  Have fun reading about these ho, ho, hos.

Surprisingly this isn’t a tender-hearted Christmas tale of pedophile love.

This wasn’t the type of Christmas present he’d been expecting. Trevor Jarrod—a daddy? Yet the enticing woman seated in his office claimed the Aspen businessman was the father of her baby nephew. Quick as he could say paternity test, Trevor discovered she was telling the truth. But just what did this revelation mean? The confirmed bachelor knew nothing about being a parent. And Haylie Smith wasn’t about to hand off the precious infant to a complete stranger.

If Trevor really wanted to claim his unexpected heir, he had an important choice—head to court…or head to the altar!

Romance novels. The only place where long-lost babies aren’t a cockblock.

Purchase this crap book here!

At last, a book that feeds my fetish for those guys off the Eddie Bauer catalog!

Nobody in Good Riddance is wondering how world-class chef Augustina “Gus” Tippens ended up running the local diner. No, but everybody’s dying to know the identity of the mysterious, sexy stranger who’s eyeing her like she’s scrumptious crème brûlée…

Travel journalist Nick Hudson loves coming across the unusual—and the annual Good Riddance Christmoose Parade definitely fits the bill! But his biggest surprise is Gus! When they finally lure each other into bed, the sex is better than chocolate. Way better!

But Gus has a secret…and a complicated, dangerous past. Worse yet, when she discovers the truth about Nick, he might never be allowed to sample her delicious goods again. And with a woman like Gus, one taste just isn’t enough….

Two words: Christmoose. Parade.

Purchase this crap book here!

If by hot, they mean an itching, burning sensation. I look at this and I just think rashes. And pine needles in places that don’t belong. But I’m kind of a prude.

I was quick to judge this book. Clearly, it must be a crap romance novel if it requires three authors to pen the heaving bosoms and swollen members. But no, this is actually a compilation of three crappy romance novels. That’s right. It’s a threesome. But not the fun kind.

The weather outside might be frightful—but the Cole sisters are indulging in something quite delightful…

When She Was Naughty… by Kate Hoffmann

Researcher Alison Cole and doctor Drew Phillips are making beautifully naughty music together! Is it a temporary sizzling interlude…or can they play together for life?

Cole for Christmas by Rhonda Nelson

When Layla Cole and Bryant Bishop run into each other again, their passion melts the snow! It’s a brief yet scorching affair. Until Bryant realizes that all he wants for Christmas is Layla—every year!

A Babe in Toyland by Tawny Weber

Rita Mae Cole and Tyler Ramsey hail from feuding families. Be together? Impossible. But the incredible sex between them says otherwise….

Purchase this crap book here!

And finally, look whose chestnuts are roasting over an open fire…

Marlie Waters’s Christmas List:

1. Get a roommate so she can afford her mortgage after broken engagement.

2. Check! Her old family friend Tyler Burton needs a room. So what if he’s been her longtime crush?

3. Ramp up her home-business success.

4. Oops. She works so much that Ty presents her with a 12 Days of Christmas charity auction dating package—just to get her out of his hair!

5. Okay, get a move on with twelve surprisingly fun dates.

6. Hmm. Start to see Ty as pretty hunky…and living under the same roof.

7. Wow. Kiss Ty. Get hot ‘n’ heavy under the tree one night!

8. Start to believe in holiday magic…

9. …until Ty breaks her heart again.

10. Make a new Christmas list. Well, maybe after unwrapping Ty just one more time….

I think this is supposed to be clever?

Purchase this crap book here!

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About The Countess

A strong-willed harlot that enjoys reading romance novel, sipping port, and gallivanting with the brawny stable boy (scandalous!).
This entry was posted in Christmas, Contemporary, Harlequin and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to What you should be reading this Christmas…

  1. Chau says:

    “It’s a threesome. But not the fun kind.” Fan-freaking-tastic. Love it when you update!

  2. Wendy R.M. says:

    I totally just read all of your posts. You are a genius. Please keep doing this.
    Also the cover with the baby on it is terrifying. It tore my mouth sideways in terror.

  3. Apparently “confirmed bachelor” means something different in the romance world than it does in, say, England…..

  4. Countess: You MUST attend the Talkeetna Bachelors Auction and Wilderness Woman Competition with us next year!
    Here’s a look at this year’s:
    http://www.donnafreedman.com/2010/12/06/live-from-alaska-frozen-pipes-bachelors-on-credit-and-suggestive-pizza/
    And afterwards, you can write a romance novel!

  5. Magnificent points altogether, you just won a brand new reader. What would you suggest about your put up that you made some days in the past? Any certain?

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